I came to Stockholm, blonde in a sea of blondes, to steal: ideas, inspiration, fashion tips, maybe a meatball or two. Under the cover of highlights and black boots, I’ve ducked into the country and made every attempt to assimilate quietly – and to my surprise (my schemes rarely work) I’ve actually done it! Sort of. So long as I don’t open my mouth to reveal my awkward American pronunciations of å-ä-ö, every single bartender, shopkeeper, taxi driver and waitress has fallen for it so far, speaking only in Swedish to me. Mwahaha! I love my country, but as a frequent traveler to the Caribbean where my pale skin and year-round high heels always scream “tourist,” I’m thrilled to blend in for a change.

As for my new vocabulary, it still hasn’t matured much past “hey,” “I don’t speak Swedish” and “how much?” – but I’m excited to report I just picked up another new word today: Rea! It translates roughly to “sale,” or “Reagan, come here and buy me.” Maybe both? In either case, I’m flattered that the entire country has gone to such great lengths to show me that I’m welcome in their stores. Sweden, you really shouldn’t have. Now, for my next trick: making all of my money disappear.