I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with possible ways to wrap up a short-term, Scandinavia-themed blog since my time is almost up and I have to go back to Florida soon. Returning to life in Orlando kind of renders a Wheeee! I’m in Sweden! blog pointless, no? If there’s a precedent for what to do about this, please let me know.
I’ve considered employing the poignant ending technique for my final blog, whereby I conjure up something even more meaningful and bittersweet than this post and use it to inspire readers with a travel-ish call-to-action, like voluntourism. That would be a really lovely and appropriate way of tying up this whole experience with a pretty bow, and it would also give me a shot at publishing this entire blog as a memoir and making billions of dollars. But wooow, I get bored even thinking about having to write a mushy reach for the stars! finale. No. No way. You can keep your money. (Besides, I work in magazine publishing…I’m filthy rich.)
I also thought about ending with some sort of deliberate literary flair for the fiction readers out there — perhaps channeling the Stieg Larsson series by racing out at the last minute and getting an enormous dragon tattoo on my back (because no one would see that coming), then maybe tazing a very tall blonde man and setting fire to my laptop on a deserted cobblestone street in Södermalm. I think we can all agree that would make an amazing final blog post. But if I did that I wouldn’t have a computer anymore, and I think you get in trouble for tazing people here, so that idea’s out.
I’ve considered ending with an unexpected twist, like revealing that I was never actually in Sweden but I thought it would be a hilarious social experiment à la I’m Still Here to trick you for three months: “Baaahaha! I’m really on a leave of absence in Missouri but I totally had you guys going with my grilled cheese stories!” But see, I just tried it right there and it isn’t that funny.
Out of all of the literary devices in the world, I really cannot think of a way to put an end to this beast. This is the same reason I don’t just write a damn book already. Endings are too hard! So my last official Sweden post on Wednesday is probably going to be super lame and anti-climactic — most likely something about butter or rain boots. But then again, look at this blog. Look at it. In what will surely be remembered as the single lamest account of living abroad, ever, in the history of mankind, I’ve basically spent three months documenting nothing but mundane details. So maybe ending with a random post about shoelaces really is the way to go.
Stay tuned to see what happens. Five days left.